Great story. I must be thick because I still can't figure out Inessa's warning. She is a chess player, so I figure it is there subtly, but after several rereads I still don't see it.
But maybe you are an ESP. After rereading your comment and my story another 1,000 times I decided to add Inessa's warning. While I like ambiguity and not-fully-finished stories (after all, everyone's life is still in progress), I think you're right: This story needs a little more clarity.
Whew - relief at that last paragraph! I had to reread to notice how much time passed between the end of Inessa’s monitoring and the clasp of the helmet: enough! Go girl! Before the end, I was starting a sequel in my head. I was Colin in Boise transmitting back: On second thought, you should come here. We have 4 distinct seasons and just the right amount of snow. 😂😂
“You walk. Start now, and the ice will be frozen by the time you reach Big Diomede in Alaska," this lines gave me an incredible sense of wanterlust. I know it's meant to be daunting, but the idea of hiking across a vast, empty, post-apocalypse town and country wilderness seems peaceful - a meditative test of endurance.
Great writing, especially the cross and double-cross.
I’m inspired. I’m been on a two week online course (about weaving colour into characters) so my scribblings have been limited to the course. I am looking forward to kickstarting my fiction by putting some learning into practice.
I find that characters are best revealed in dialog as they interact with other characters. I think that's true for people, too. Slamming the table shows you're angry, but it's not ten percent as effective as putting that anger into words.
Such a good point. It won’t surprise you to learn that the third topic of four on the course was ‘Voice’ (Body Language, Senses and Perspective were the others). I need to get back to my writing flow and weave the lessons in during the editing process. Have a great writing week. It’s a week of encouragement sessions for me.
I just re-read this one, Bill. A chilling story with a perfect ending. Yikes! I thank you for recommending 🍁Leaves, my friend. I received five new subscriptions from your readers this month!
Engrossing, chilling and surprising! Loved reading this.
Thank you, Lausanne. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed this short tale.
Lots of twists and turns in such little time. Loved it
Thank you, Andrei. I had fun writing Can Anyone Hear Me? and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Great story. I must be thick because I still can't figure out Inessa's warning. She is a chess player, so I figure it is there subtly, but after several rereads I still don't see it.
Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
Inessa's warning was a silent message that only Colin could hear. She warned him about the trap and Russia's plan.
:-D yep I'm not an ESP hahaha!
But maybe you are an ESP. After rereading your comment and my story another 1,000 times I decided to add Inessa's warning. While I like ambiguity and not-fully-finished stories (after all, everyone's life is still in progress), I think you're right: This story needs a little more clarity.
Love me a dystopian short story. Lots of twists in this one.
Thank you, Thomas. I love dystopian tales, too.
Whew - relief at that last paragraph! I had to reread to notice how much time passed between the end of Inessa’s monitoring and the clasp of the helmet: enough! Go girl! Before the end, I was starting a sequel in my head. I was Colin in Boise transmitting back: On second thought, you should come here. We have 4 distinct seasons and just the right amount of snow. 😂😂
Thank you, Tara.
Right? They can talk more and I think should. I hope Inessa and Colin get together, but I guess that's up to me. Or maybe...to them?
I did the same when I re-read it!
I really liked that, Bill. Great twist at the end. Interesting concept all around. Well written, and impactful. Maybe a second part coming?
Thanks, Ben. I'm happy you enjoyed Can Anyone Hear Me?
I've been playing around with part two in my head. At least I think that the ideas are coming from my mind, but perhaps not.
Wow, Bill. I hope you can come up with Part Two! Interesting concept.
Thank you, Sharron. Part 2 is coming. I'm already having fun sketching the plot.
One of your best works Bill.
Thank you very much, Clancy.
“You walk. Start now, and the ice will be frozen by the time you reach Big Diomede in Alaska," this lines gave me an incredible sense of wanterlust. I know it's meant to be daunting, but the idea of hiking across a vast, empty, post-apocalypse town and country wilderness seems peaceful - a meditative test of endurance.
Great writing, especially the cross and double-cross.
Thank you, Sam. I'm glad you liked the twists and crosses.
I was waiting for the twist, knowing your stories, but no, you still got me, i had no idea - again, thanks!
Thank you, Eduardo. I'm delighted you enjoyed this story and especially the twist.
Super strong narrative. Compelling, and mighty imaginative. Lovely stuff, Bill ... not for the first time!
Thank you so much., Barrie. I'm smiling.
I’m inspired. I’m been on a two week online course (about weaving colour into characters) so my scribblings have been limited to the course. I am looking forward to kickstarting my fiction by putting some learning into practice.
I'm glad to hear that.
I find that characters are best revealed in dialog as they interact with other characters. I think that's true for people, too. Slamming the table shows you're angry, but it's not ten percent as effective as putting that anger into words.
Have fun with the course!
Such a good point. It won’t surprise you to learn that the third topic of four on the course was ‘Voice’ (Body Language, Senses and Perspective were the others). I need to get back to my writing flow and weave the lessons in during the editing process. Have a great writing week. It’s a week of encouragement sessions for me.
Writing weeks are great weeks.
I just re-read this one, Bill. A chilling story with a perfect ending. Yikes! I thank you for recommending 🍁Leaves, my friend. I received five new subscriptions from your readers this month!
Thank you, Sharron. It's fun to get new subscribers. I'm glad the recommendations works.
I always enjoy your stories, Bill. Keep 'em coming!
Thank you so very much. There's more to come.
Love the twists! Very engaging work! Thanks for the reminder to charge my phone :)
Thanks, Will. I'm glad you enjoyed this short story.
In Japan, earthquake territory, we always travel with a spare battery. ;-)
I really enjoyed the subversion of (my) expectations!
Thank you, Max. I'm very happy to hear that. Cheers, Bill
I love twist endings. Good one!
Thank you, Kim. Twisty endings are my favorites, too.